What you know you want; what you don't even know you want...

I know what my sanity goals are in parenting. These are the things we look at as light at the end of the tunnel. We treasure these moments, but there are things we want to see the end of. Diapers are a good example. Toddlers are super cute. Toddler diapers are not. We co-sleep so a big one for us was getting Adrian to spend most of his nights in his own room. Today I realized there might be parenting milestones I haven't even thought of.

Someone I know, today, was boasting that her son sleeps at night with no night light. The whole second floor is dark, no lights on. It makes me wonder what else is around the bend.

Savor every moment!

Adust your expectations

And your day will flow more smoothly. There are a lot of things we have no control over. Even more when you have children. Anyone that has been on a walk with Adrian knows that a city block is not a distance to be measured or even time, but more of an exploration.
Usually this leads to some frustrating struggles. "Hey we really have to get going. Pick up the pace or I am gonna pick you up."
Today we were walking home from the park. It was a failed attempt at a first trip of the year. Since everything had just melted, It was more of a lake with play structures sitting out of it. Its about 5 blocks away. On the way home, Auntie couldn't wait, she needed to get home. I was tromping ahead with Walter in the ergo impatiently waiting for Adrian and being vocal about it. A few minutes into it, I thought, "what's my hurry. Walter is asleep. We don't need to rush home." I stopped harassing Adrian. I was immediately able to start enjoying the trip from his perspective. Even though there was a new puddle about every eight feet. Everyone was special enough to deserve a pouncing. It probably took us over 40 minutes to get home, but I wasn't frustrated and Adrian had a blast.
There are not many times when we have the opportunity to take our time like this, but I would not have even thought about it had I not asked myself what the rush was in getting home. I get so immersed in the high speed go go go pace that it is there with me even when I don't need it. I may not frequently be able to adjust my expectations, but I should always be able to ask if its possible.

Sid the Science Kid

Some folks may disagree, but there's a lot of good in Sid. At first glance I liked the show because of its Muppet energy. Today I looked at it as a teacher. I think a lot of people could learn from the show. Those people being teachers. I was watching Susie (I think that's her name) the teacher. She engages her students to be scientist. What that means for kids in early grades is experiment, hypothesize, observe, write, and draw. Some teachers call it sciencing. Taking the subject matter and king a verb out of it. Susie guides her students through experiments. She listens to their observations and since they are the students observations, she does not interrupt them to correct them.
Kids can learn from the show and they can enjoy. I think the real usefulness of the show is for the grown ups.

Are you gonna eat that?

At some point you learn that even though some restaurants don't have kids menus, you don't have to order the kid a seperate plate. A good thought is hey lets share something. We went to Mickey's in StPaul. I had a Patty Melt Plate; he ordered the grill cheese plate. I ate the Patty Melt Plate and 2/3rds of the Grilled Cheese plate. I didn't have to eat his, but It looked so lonely.

good job.

I am always thinking of things to either put on T-shirts or bumper stickers. I actually don't like to put bumper stickers on my car nor do I wear T-shirts with slogans on them. That doesn't stop me from thinking of them. The one that came up today would have something to do with the phrase that is often aimed at children when they accomplish something: good job!

"Every time you say "good job," my child dies a little" (think Cole Porter)
Good Job: for average everyday children anywhere.
Every time you say "good job," and angel clips his wings.

That might be a little harsh. Use constructive feed back. I really like how you carefully stacked all of the blocks. Talk about the process in the accomplishment. Ask questions about it. These types of things make children think that you appreciate what they are doing as much as they do. Put yourself in their shoes. If you completed a project at work, would you rather receive a good job or would you rather have your supervisor go over it with you? When you go over the details both parties become more aware of the work involved.

Minnesota Children's Museum

I think parenting comes from a lot of places. For me it comes from conversations with my wife, the emails she sends me from the Daily Groove (http://www.enjoyparenting.com/get-your-daily-groove), the Twin Cities Attachment Parenting group we are involved in, authors we've read (Sears, Kohn), my experience in becoming and being a teacher, my own experience as a child, and of course my own ideas. The latter is often luck and guessing with much reflection afterwards.


Yesterday we were at the Minnesota Children's Museum. We have been and will be going there a lot since Grandpa Bruce bought a membership for Adrian's birthday. Our plan was to spend a little more than an hour there. There are many rooms and many floors. I figure each trip with can focus on one or two. We from one spot to the next with ease. We even left the Children's Museum very easily on the quest for a snack. Some might say its a bribe, but I really think how you, the parent, views it goes a long way to how it will be interpreted. My intention was to move along through our day. I didn't threaten to withhold the snack, french fries, if it didn't go my way; nor did I see it or use it as an incentive. We were going to get the snack either way.


Upon reflection I decided that it must have been that the events were worded in a positive manner. For example, "Right now we need to go change Walters diaper. Then we can keep playing." Instead of, "We need to leave this room for a few minutes..." I thought that this was a clever, yet not entirely intentional, way to focus on what was next instead of what we were leaving behind.


Fast forward to today: a second Children's Museum visit to meet some friends. It is nice to have a membership. Wars fought; battles lost. I was telling my friend Steve about our trip to the museum the day before. As we were leaving, Adrian and I got into a battle of wills and stubborn-ness. He wanted to go see the crane and I wanted to put on our coats first. It became loud and ugly. I got him all the way out of the museum, through two sky walks, and into the car; he was still crying about the grapple. Then it hit me why can't we just go back in there. We didn't have anywhere we needed to be. When I thought about it, I really felt like a jerk. "We have to go now because you didn't put your jacket on..." We went back in there with the understanding that we would spend a few minutes with the grapple and then leave. He kept up his end of the deal. It probably cost us another half hour. Walter was sleeping the whole time. It totally changed Adrian's mood for the rest of the day.

Flexibility is the key. Its important that he witnesses my being flexible. Modeling is the most effective teaching tool. If he saw me stick to my guns and get my way, in effect winning, he might see it as an effective way for him.

Welcome

I don't know what to say here other than to warn you not to expect too much. I feel the need to write down some of the things I think about. What that means is that sometimes there will be grammatical, typographical, spelling, and other errors. As far as content goes, everything goes; I suppose.

I am a stay at home dad with two boys Walter 6.5 months and Adrian 3.2 years. I have varying intersts but I don't want to write about those right now, because it's already starting to sound like a personals ad.

so with that I would like to leave you with a quote that I am currently using in my email signature:
"Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children."
-Oglala Sioux proverb